Day 365

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I remember you like yesterday.
I remember the laughter and dreams.
I remember all that used to be.
I remember many warm memories as we built a life of our own.
I remember you were my safe place, my haven, my home.
Not a day goes by that I haven’t thought of you.
I remember the howling winds.
I remember the walls came crashing down.
I remember the cries of scared children.
I remember the wake up call.
I remember we were left in darkness and silence for so long.
I remember the change that swept through.

All this remembering stirs pain hidden deep inside, one I pretend isn’t there. I act like it doesn’t matter and it’s just another day. The thought of you leaves me unsettled, I try to distance myself, I try to withdraw from any reminders and it’s too hard, you are all around.

Now you are here, this day, a year ago, it takes me back and I sit with this despair. I have to notice, I have to acknowledge and give you the time of day. To reflect, to pay my respects and know it’s ok. It’s ok to go back, it’s ok to miss what we once had.

To have that ripped apart has taken time to heal and still aches as I write this now. I couldn’t have got through this past year without the loving memory of you. You have taught me what matters most in life, gave me permission to embrace what we have been through. In return I give you my full attention, this day is about you.

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