Day 259

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Tunnel vision
All alone
Wind blows
Bringing a choice
Do I?
Silence breaks
Deeper I go
Darkness falls
All alone
Wind blows
Another choice
Do I ?
My head bows
Uncertainty
Unknown
Silence breaks
Lifting my chin
Surrounded by life
Ponder
Contemplate
Another choice whizzes by
Do I?
Which way?
Which one?
Laugh or cry?
Silence breaks
Decision settles
I know the way
Take me home

Day 252

078 resized black and white

Drip…drip…drip goes the waiting.

8 months ago a windstorm swept through bringing sudden, unexpected change. A massive gum tree ripped from the earth cutting our home in two.

Drip…drip…drip goes the waiting.

Our heart lays in wait as the insurance claim drags out to what seems a life sentence. This week brought a gush of unknown, deepening this space in-between. A dark cloud hovered right above my head, pulling me into the depths below. Despite the bright sunny winters day darkness turned out the light. Like an impatient child wanting attention, it started stamping its feet, bursting with anger until a wave of sadness washed over. A comforting warm hand on my back stayed, allowing resistance to give, letting the past 8 months rise,

Drip…drip…drip flowed my tears.

Lingering in this fragile moment the dark cloud slowly parted, letting the sun sparkle on my face, a cool wind kissed my cheeks and the midnight blue sky brought a smile back- courage and strength returned.

Drip…drip…drip, goes the waiting.

Day 245

Me

I had a dream.
It seemed for so long the tree crushed you or the windstorm swept you away. All goes quiet and I am reminded of you. A wave of what once was washes over me and it pulls on my heart. 5 years ago we found each other. You are a piece of me, you make me complete. A true expression of who I am. I thought you had forgotten and moved on but you were always been there, waiting, with your hand on my shoulder through the devastation and the aftermath. You are right there as I write, capturing every photo and walking each step. You believe in me, accept me as I am. I can’t wait any longer- insurance claim or not- I choose you, please show me the way.

Day 238

Fog

I never really got winter, all the doom, the gloom and darkness used to engulf me. Melbourne with its wet and cold windy days, chilled me right to my bones. A thick heavy fog clung till the very last day.

Then I moved to the hills and everything changed.

Each morning I wake to the freshness of the day. No longer afraid to spend time with the dark. I venture out into the fog that drifts across the landscape. It brings stillness as the blanket of white leaves mist in its wake. The icy wind rattles me from my sleep as warm puffs of breath escape. Loud tones of winter so deep, earthy browns and bright greens glisten in the white winter sun. I get to wear my thickest coat, keeping me snug and warm. The comfort of our wood fire compliments my warm tea. As the calendar flips to June, the pace of life slows down and my priorities change. I automatically go in reflection mode and assess life, hence a word a day. Knowing so much has happened this last year, I surrender to winter and hold hands with the dark, remembering it is needed so I can find the light.