Day 147

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We never thought this would happen to us. Everyone knows someone who has been here. So many stories, so much pain and disappointment in the world but we were convinced it wouldn’t be us. How could it? We have been through so much. We deserve to move on. I deserve to write about something more than where we are.

Yet this is where we are.

This uncomfortable place in between. A place that highlights your strengths and attacks your weaknessess. A place where were you are fragile one day and unbreakable the next. A place where you know where you want to be and then reality wakes you up. It takes a little and gives a lot. This place tears you apart in a flash and then mends you back together even stronger than before. Questions consume your thoughts and answers come in unforgettable moments. Terrible emptiness can strike and then love over flows. Rawness rises with intensity, you hold your breath and clench your jaw, if given a chance it’s grip can be softened with a sigh and let go. Certain people and places suck you back down while nature picks you back up. Months can drag by and it seems only a week. Darkness tosses and turns you while the light takes your hand. Everything that used to matter slowly fades away. When looking from the outside life seems stuck and from the inside you are free. Your reflection seems unrecognizable then you catch yourself smiling and sparkling brighter than ever. The very core of you is ripped open allowing truth to arrive. A truth that is bitterly painful and also breathtaking sweet.

If it were up to us we would move on, slamming that door behind us yet what are we here to learn? Looking back on this moment it will all make sense that it was part of a bigger plan.

Please give me the strength to get there.

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